A letter to my friends.
If you are receiving this email, then know just how special you are in my life. Because all of us are pretty far apart (and usually scattered halfway across the world) I wanted to be able to share with you about a big change that is happening in my life these days.
Let’s just start off with the truth, shall we?
I am overweight and unhealthy. Actually, erase that… I am extremely overweight and extremely unhealthy.
Are some of you thinking “well, yeah Sij, I know that. I’ve lived with you, been apart of your life, I know this.” ?? BUT, youve probably never talked to me about it… because I’VE never talked about it. It’s always been an extremely embarrassing subject for me because when I was in high school, I was an ATH-LETE! Basketball, softball, volleyball… I was good at all of them and even though I was a bit heavier than my teammates, I was still in great shape and had muscles (let’s just take a moment of silence and remember the great biceps I had) Ok…. So what led to this downfall, you might ask? How does one go from super athletic to getting out of breath going up a flight of stairs? Let me tell you the story (if you’re still with me)
During my senior year of high school, I was playing my last volleyball game of the season. It was my senior night and I knew that there was a scout from the local college there checking us all out, so obviously I showed off a little bit more than usual. Halfway through the game, I went up for a spike and ended up coming down on another girl’s foot, causing me to twist and break my ankle and re-injure my 2 herniated disc back. There went any chance of ever playing sports in college! So instead of attempting to recover, I just started feeling bad for myself and limited what I could do. The one great thing about not going to my local college, or the awesome culinary school that I really wanted to go to, was that the Lord opened the door for me to go to WVU where he would begin to completely transform my life, but also where I would put on the majority of my weight. Freshman 15? How about Freshman 50!
As I gained 50 pounds during my first two years there, I began looking for other things to blame my weight gain on. It couldnt possibly be because I was depressed and using food as comfort, right? “It’s gotta be a thyroid issue! That should explain this weight gain!” Well, that was partly true. They did end up finding an issue with my thyroid gland and my pituitary gland which could cause unexplained weight gain. I remember being told by the doctors that once I had things taken care of, it didnt 100% mean that I was going to miraculously start losing all of the weight…. But I thought it did! I held onto that hope while still eating all the $5 hot and readys and VFW 2 dollar beers that I could…. And now 4 years later, I am (for lack of a better word), miserable. I dont feel well physically, I’m not confident in the way that I look, and that GREATLY affects my relationships with others… Not wanting or thinking that I can do certain physical activities and missing out… and well, honestly, not having a significant other. I know what some of you are thinking, “SIJ, stop right there. Boys shouldnt care about what you look like… its whats inside!” That is the lie that I have been telling myself for 3 plus years now. No man deserves a wife that is not confident in their self spiritually, mentally AND physically! In a way, the Lord has helped me with image issues, allowing me to realize that I am created in His image…. But taking that realization and twisting it has also affected me. “God doesnt care what I look like, he still loves me anyway. God doesnt care how overweight I am, he still loves me anyway.” I continually would tell myself these things, and while they are true, I was definitely using them as a cop out and forgetting an important part to all of it as well. My body is a temple… I should be glorifying him with it. I am not glorifying him by sitting on my ass 17 hours a day eating zebra cakes (they ARE really good though).
So, now that you’ve read a little of the back story and some of the thoughts that have ran through my head for the past 5 years, here’s where I am headed now and what got me to this point.
A few weeks ago, I was feeling pretty down and my back was hurting. I randomly typed into google, “back injury and weight loss” where I ended up pulling up this article. (you should read it!)
To sum it up, it was a girl who pretty much shared my story. She was a runner up on the biggest loser a few years ago and so I began to watch the season. (season 11 for those hulu folks that want to watch it)
I never watched biggest loser because I secretly knew I identified with those people, but I didnt want to admit it. I was incredibly motivated and inspired by her and there was something that she said on the show that finally hit me. “No more looking for tomorrow, today is time for change.” How I needed to hear that! So often I tell myself, “I’ll start my diet tomorrow. I’ll exercise come Monday”… well Monday rolls around and I’ve still got two cupcakes in my hand.
So now here I am, two weeks in and so far I have lost 10 pounds. I’ve got a LOT more to go but I am taking it day by day. I’ll probably go into detail about how I am losing the weight a little later. I wanted to share all of this with you for a few reasons, the main ones being ACCOUNTABILITY AND ENCOURAGEMENT. I’ll stick to something if I know I’ve got people that are going to ask me if I’ve made healthy choices. It also helps to have active friends too because that just makes it easier on me too! How I long for Orlando! (but if anyone wants to come to WV and work out with me for a few days, DO IT!)
I’m sorry this has become so long winded… you are probably ready for a nap now, but just know that I wanted to share this with you guys and let you know that things are a changin in my life… for the better! Here’s a link to the blog that I’m starting… if this goes how all my other blogs have gone, I’ll probably make about 5 posts and then forget about it. Here’s hoping that won’t happen!
I love you all very much. Please pray for me as I begin this process! I want to live my life! I’m tired of being depressed and watching life from the sidelines. I’m ready to MAKE. A. CHANGE.
Love yall very much!